Amsterdamage

On the biking mission

If you thought Amsterdam was all sex, drugs and rock and roll you’d be kind of right, but very wrong at the same time. The city’s fame undoubtedly stems from its red light district and liberal drug laws; both of which deserve such accolades, but there’s plenty more to Amsterdam than just Coffee Shops and window shopping. Sprawling out along a maze of canals this is a place that is breathtaking, relaxing, exciting, livable  and fun all at the same time. It was also the location we rendezvoused with friends Matty Marsden and Nicci Green who we’ll be doing the rest of our European journey with. With some plush accommodation overlooking a canal courtesy of Cushla’s friend Tamryn who’s now a Dam local, we enjoyed a home cooked meal with plenty of catching up to be done before exploring the city.

Rule number 1 in Amsterdam, everything gives way to bikes. You’ve never seen so many bikes in your life though thankfully unlike in Melbourne, cyclists leave the lycra outfits for the bedroom. Baskets on the front, stands on the back for carrying the heavy stuff and any number of add ons for carrying your kids, pets or whatever. Hiring bikes should be a part of any trip to Amsterdam and it made for the perfect way to explore the city as we cycled along the canals.

Walking Tour – There’s some fascinating history dating back 500 years to when the city was one of the largest trading ports in the world. We were extremely lucky to have ‘Irish Dave’ leading the way who was a passionate liberal and Amsterdam immigrant. His grasp on history was second to none but you got the feeling he didn’t have a clue what he’d had for breakfast.

Flashpacking – A case of fate meant it was cheaper for the 4 of us to share a room at the Marriott than stay in a shared room at a dorm!! Ta

The Windows – in the red-light district you’ll find several streets and sections with miniature store fronts housing ladies in various States of undress, though the general trend is less is more. Conveniently organised into fetish type like black alley and fat alley, the girls rent the shop fronts in 8 hour periods and rent their time in 15 minute blocks. During daylight hours it all seems pretty dodgy, especially as we see a 60+ grandad making a purchase down black alley which is right next to a kindergarten. When we returned around 11pm there are people everywhere as you navigate tiny laneways with thousands of guys doing the laps, along with a few interested wife’s and girlfriends (Cush and Nicci included). As you look at the girls it really does take on the feeling of a flesh market, though 99% of punters are, like us not buying.

No matter what your beliefs about prostitution there’s little doubt it happens in your town and causes a lot of harm particularly to the girls involved. But the good oil from Irish Dave is that barring a few outliers prostitute abuse is non-existent and every girl is registered and over 21. As a punter I felt safer down an alley in the red light district than you would be at midday in an abandoned street in Paris.

Canals by night

Smoking; How it works – as John Travolta so expertly explained it in Pulp Fiction, it’s not a free for all but they do let you to smoke in your home or certain designated areas. So a cafe will sell you food and drinks, but a coffee shop will have a menu to cater for the herbivores in the group but no alcohol. First select a variety from an exhaustive list with handy descriptions of strength and effects. Bags come in a range of sizes with papers and often pipes and bongs supplied, or you can just buy a pre rolled joint or space cake, sit out on the street with your coffee and enjoy. Alternatively, you can head to a local shroom shop to pick up a range of concoctions of the hallucinogenic variety. Again the menu rates everything on a strength scale. 2 Jupiter planets = mild euphoria, 5 Jupiter planets = strap yourself in Benji we’re blowing this joint.

If you’re looking for travelling strategies, I think the great channel 4 newsreader Ron Burgandy said it best, “when in Rome.” As with visiting any country it’s all about sampling the local fare, so after a hard morning walking an afternoon at the coffee shop was just the ticket. It also increased the entertainment value of the previously described canal bike riding.

Again, your opinion of the moral side of this may differ from mine, but the reality is you’ll likely see less drugs in Amsterdam than most other tourist cities because there is much less room for drug dealers. As of January 1 the law is changing and only registered locals will be able to purchase weed so if you’re keen you’ll need to get in quick. The local police are objecting to the law change as they prefer the status quo.

My kind of town

Overall

The city is basically run on personally responsibility and makes a bit of a mockery of the nanny state back in my New Zealand. They don’t have railings guarding the canals, it’s your responsibility not to fall in. In NZ the first time a kid fell in there’d be an outcry about the safety issues, you get the feeling they’d simply ask “why wasn’t the child being watched by his parents?” Thousands of cyclists operate with trams, cars and pedestrians and it works. There’s something here for everyone and if you think you’re to conservative for the place you’re dead wrong and missing out. It’s mum proof. You could easily come here and not see as a window or do worse than smell a bit of pot simply by avoiding one part of town. Though I’m not sure why you’d want to.

Dam Square

Nights stayed – 3

We got here – From Paris by bus. A 7 hour ride with a quick stop in Brussels for 5 pound each courtesy of Megabus. Ta

English – is as good as the first language here.

It’ll cost you – €5 euro for a pint, €12 euro for a bag of green. €6.25 on the big mac combo index

Did you know – if you do fall into a Canal, it’ll cost you a 200 euro fine for the fire department to pull you out. It’s called the idiot tax.

The ironic bit – its illegal to smoke cigarettes inside, so if you’re in a Coffee Shop you’re fine to be smoking a joint, but if you mix it with tobacco you’re breaking the law.

Best feed – unlimited pork ribs and fries. Great concept.